1. |
Grown Up
04:12
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VERSE 1
I’m moving out on my own for the first time
Leaving everything I knew behind
Mom, I know you’re sad I’m leaving, but I’ll be alright
And I’m taking all the toilet paper
Mom don’t be sad you know I’ll be back soon
And please don’t change a thing in my bedroom
Well, it’s still mine, what if I want to move back?
Why did you laugh so hard at that?
BRIDGE
Oh, no
I’m bringing all my laundry home
My roommates suck and
Oh yeah
They are making me clean
Also can you clean my toilet?
I poured you a glass of wine
Mom, you know how much I care
CHORUS
I am a grownup now
Doing it all by myself
Yeah I am a grownup now
I don’t need anyone’s help
VERSE 2
I got a job, I work the checkout line
It’s really gross but I can buy my own wine
I was hungover so I called in sick
Mom, honestly the manager’s a raging dick
You always taught me to stand up for myself
So I said “buddy, you can go to hell!”
That’s why I left my job but I’ll be alright
Because I’m moving back home with you tonight
BRIDGE
Oh, no
I didn’t wanna work anymore
I quit my job and
Oh yeah it’s my decision to make
So I’m moving home for a little while
I poured you a glass of wine
Mom, you know how much I care
BRIDGE 2
What do you mean I can’t come home?
My savings are gone, I spent it all on shoes
Honestly it wasn’t my fault
They just kept scheduling me too early in the morning
Em
Oh oh
Mom
Oh no.
Em
Yeah yeah
Mom
No, no!
CHORUS
I am a grownup now
Doing it all by myself
Yeah I am a grownup now
I don’t need anyone’s help
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2. |
Ghosts
03:16
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Scared of Ghosts Song
Emily: Oh my god this doll is so cute.
Jo Anne: It’s definitely haunted. Look at its eyes it’s watching you!
Emily: PERFECT.
Jo Anne: You’re buying it on purpose? We watched Poltergeist 2 years ago and you still sleep with the lights on!
Emily: Great movie! Super scary! Love it!
Jo Anne: I don’t understand why you enjoy being scared.
Emily milling: Me either but this doll’s coming home with us!
VERSE
Ohhh I haven’t slept in days now
Ohhhh should have left the doll alone
Emily: Ahhh! She’s chasing me!
Jo Anne: BURN IT! BURN IT!
Ohhh the ghost inside screams death howls
Jo Anne: She’s looking at us! Don’t move!
Emily: But I really need to pee!
Oh why do I do this to myself?
Jo Anne: RETURN TO HELL, SPIRIT!
Emily: Awww I’m going to miss her.
I learned my lesson
Don’t buy haunted dolls
It’s a portal to hell
And the door revolves
CHORUS
I am terrified of ghosts
But I just can’t help myself from getting close!
I’m surrounded by the dead!
Summoning spirits again and again!
Jo Anne: Hey check it out, I got a Ouija board!
Emily: Why? After everything we went through with the doll?
Jo Anne: I dunno, it was on sale!
VERSE
Emily: I told you we had to say goodbye!
Jo Anne: I was going to come back to it later!
Ohhh I don’t know what I’ve unleashed!
Emily: It was a demon.
Jo Anne: You sure it’s not a ghost?
Emily: Definitely demons!
Ohhhh we speak in many voices
Magna industria exemplar pulli
Oh why do I do this to myself?
Emily: AHH!
Sam: Don’t worry, I’m a friendly ghost
Emily: Then why does your head keep spinning?
BRIDGE
It’s just a party trick
Nothing to fear
Just a bit of slapstick
I promise I’ll be nice
If you let me in
Emily: I don’t trust her!
Jo Anne: What’s the harm? She’s got great rhythm!
Now one by one to hell you go!
I have claimed your immortal souls
Emily: She tricked me with a dance!
Jo Anne: And a hypnotic trance!
Emily: Did we just do a rhyme?
Jo Anne: Is this really how I die?
Sam: Join me my sacrificial lambs!
Ohhh I really hate being tortured in hell!
Jo Anne: This really sucks!
Emily: Oh my god I hate it!
Sam: And now you’ll join the wretched damned!
E: Nuh uh, we’re going to be ghosts instead!
Jo: Yeah! Wait what?
Jo Anne: I learned my lesson
Don’t buy Ouija boards
Emily: They’re full of tricky demons
With too many vocal cords
CHORUS
I am terrified of ghosts
But I just can’t help myself from getting close!
I’m surrounded by the dead!
Summoning spirits again and again!
Now we are ghosts
Searching for physical bodies and hosts
We’re surrounded by the dead
Come on, summon our spirits again and again!
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3. |
SPANX!
01:51
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Yo it’s Friday night
And it’s time to go out
Gonna find a frisky tongue
To make our pussies shout
I got the six inch heels
Gucci purse for my phone
But when I put on my dress
I got no tummy control
Normally I believe
Beauty shouldn’t be painful
I can fit into this dress
Using industrial staples!
That’s a bit extreme
I’ve got a better solution
You can fit into that dress
Using a spandex illusion
What?
SPANX!
Gonna make that tummy flat?
SPANX!
You can’t handle my back fat!
SPANX!
Pull ‘em on with a slap
And your thighs go
Clap clap clap clap clap
Walk into the club like we’re
Coca Rocha
Stretchy layers on my body
For that fat contortion
We don’t need to breathe
We’ve got seamless shapes
We put on tight underwear
That we’ll never escape
20 minutes in
And support is lackin’
Look across the club
Spot a young Bill Paxton
When I move across the floor
I’ve got a horrifying strut
‘Cause these motherfuckin’ Spanx
Are riding up my butt!
My tights are slippin’
And my posture’s flakin’
Gotta focus on my mission
BONING!
Love making!
Had a couple drinks
And now I gotta pee
Uhhhhhh
But that’s the sacrifice we make
For looking pretty
We’re wearing SPANX!
I’m wearing twice the panties, hoes!
SPANX!
Control top for my extra rolls
SPANX!
Oh shit, dude these are fucking with my bowels
Get them off!
Shit! Pull pull pull pull pull!
Do you still believe
That this makes us pretty
Now I’m covered in my own faeces
Oh no
I have a sweaty butt
This does not make me feel hot
And now I miss my little gut
Take off them Spanx!
If you’re big if you’re small
Fuck Spanx!
Give my cellulite a call
Fuck Spanx!
So let your love handles fall
Fuck Spanx fuck Spanx fuck Spanx fuck Spanx fuck Spanx!
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4. |
Toe
03:05
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CHORUS
Oh oh ohh
I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-ohh
Losing all control
Oh-oh-ohh!
‘Cause I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh no!
VERSE 1
Someone put a wall
in the middle of this floor
I’m seething
It’s fucking with
My spacial awareness
My toe’s been mauled
And I think I’m bleeding
OTHER VOICE: That’s just sweat
But it’s coming from my toe-pits
BRIDGE
I’m going to cry
My pinky toe’s
Gone awry
Why look within
When I could look without
Admitting I’m at fault
For walking straight into that wall
This stupid wall came out of nowhere!
Now it must die!
CHORUS
Oh oh ohh
I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-ohh
Losing all control
Oh-oh-ohh!
‘Cause I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh no!
VERSE 2
*CRASH!*
So I punched the wall
And a chunk got in my eyeball
Why is this wall
Out to get me?
I’m filled with rage, but I won’t
Stay and engage, though I ache
I won’t fall for
This wall’s trickery!
BRIDGE
It’s in my eye
My pinky toe’s
Gone awry
But why look within
When I could look without
Admitting I’m at fault
For walking straight into that wall
I HATE this stupid wall!
Now it must die!
CHORUS
Oh oh ohh
I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-ohh
Losing all control
Oh-oh-ohh!
‘Cause I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh no!
VERSE 3
*BANG!*
Hurled myself at the wall
With the intent to kill it
Led with my elbow
That was a mistake!
My arm is just a floppy mess
Of bones and flesh, so
The wall’s goin’ down
In a fiery blaze!
BRIDGE
My house burned down
My pinky toe’s
Flipped around
But why look within
When I could look without
Admitting I’m at fault
For walking straight into that wall
I killed that stupid wall to death!
BRIDGE 2
THE WALL IS DEAD
MY TOE IS DEAD
MY ROOMMATE BETH
HAS A PILE OF HAM
SHE LOOKS REAL MAD
SHE’S WEARING PLAID
HER HAM’S BEEN SPRAD
WITH A DOLLOP OF JAM
BRIDGE
I’m going to cry
‘Cause my pinky toe’s
Gone awry
Why look within
When I could look without
Admitting I’m at fault
For walking straight into that wall
I am blameless!
I am shameless!
I HAVE SO MANY REGRETS!
CHORUS
Oh oh ohh
I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-ohh
Losing all control
Oh-oh-ohh!
‘Cause I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh no!
CHORUS
Oh oh ohh
I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-ohh
Losing all control
Oh-oh-ohh!
‘Cause I stubbed my
Toe-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh no!
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5. |
Plants
02:52
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CHORUS
Hanging out alone, typical Friday night
Lost my job ‘cause I started a breakdance fight
Feeling lost and confused, only myself to blame
But then a plant says, girl, your luck’s about to change
This tiny cactus with a pink thing on top
Is about to be murdered by the owner of the shop
So I throw down the only money I have left
And save this succulent from certain death
CHORUS
For the first time
I did something right
Figured out my life
‘Cause my plants are not dead!
VERSE
On a date tonight with a super sexy guy
Things are getting hot sparks flyin’ out of my eyes
Moving to my bed, that’s when I start to freak
The plants attracted ants and worms into the sheets
His eyes, turn from passion to revolt
He jumps out the window, landing flat on the road
In my despair, I look to the windowsill
And see all the plants, that I have not killed
BRIDGE
A man died
When he saw my dirty sheets
And my apartment
Is now a crime scene
But I want joy,
Even if it comes with ants!
Better believe it, buddy boy,
I’M BUYING MORE PLANTS!
CHORUS
For the first time
I did something right
Figured out my life
‘Cause my plants are not dead!
For the first time
I did something right
Figured out my life
‘Cause my plants are not dead!
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6. |
Neglected Winter Coat
03:39
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VERSE 1
I don’t know what I did
To make you leave me
You called me warm and dreamy
Once before
I was like your second skin!
Protecting you from windy weather!
Felt you shake and shiver
But no more!
And now my arm holes hang here
All limp and empty
But I can still feel your body
Moving softly inside me
But you don’t see me
The way you did before
You said goodbye
When you closed the closet door!
CHORUS
We hang here
waiting for you
want to keep you warm
‘cause that’s what we do!
Come inside
save you from harm
we took a blood oath
to protect you
VERSE 2
I can change
To make you love me
Unzip my fleece inner lining
And you’d see
My seams are frayed
And my armpits torn out
The holes in my belt loop
Are so strained
But you pushed me away
To the back of the closet
Like this cheque from your grandma
I’m just lost and forgotten
But we don’t forget
and we don’t let go
No, no...
CHORUS
We hang here
waiting for you
Just slip inside
It’s better if you’re nude!
Come on baby, let’s ride!
I feel so used...
BRIDGE
Just let me be on your body!
Let me be on your body!
Let me be on your body!
Let me be on your body!
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7. |
Committed
03:18
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VERSE 1
I’m in a long term
Committed relationship
It’s the kind I don’t want to mess up
‘Cause it’s a super love partnership
I’m serious
It’s totally amazing!
The kind of love you
Never see in real life!
But I’m afraid that
I’m gonna mess it up somehow
Because of what happens
At night!
BRIDGE
I am
So committed
But there’s one thing
That I can’t shake
In my dreams
All I see
Are my celebrity crushes
In line to fuck me
And I feel so guilty
CHORUS
I know that It’s just a dream
But when Paul Rudd asked me out
I lied about having a boyfriend
It’s not that bad
But my dream self consented to
A lot of sexy stuff with Seth Rogen
And I should share
That my subconscious was
A willing participant in a foursome
With the Lonely Island
And I also
Made out with the guys
From Detroiters
While Scott Aukerman directed
VERSE 2
I’m a little embarrassed
That I told you all of that
But I feel it’s important to share
And in real life I’d never be asked
But anyway that really doesn’t matter
Because I am committed to someone else
A guy I find exceptionally dapper
Who’s also wearing many long fur pelts
(Oh shit I’m asleep again)
BRIDGE
I am
So committed
That I need to invent a reason
Why my guy
Isn’t with me
Like, aliens took him to another dimension!
CHORUS
I sat
Very close to Randall Park
While watching a solo
Sex tape of Eric Andre
(What does that mean?)
I held hands
With Austin Powers
At a tree planting volunteer event
Set up by Happy Gilmore
(Yeah baby!)
I don’t
Know why it aroused me but
Beetlejuice was surfing naked
In a sea of mustard
(It’s showtime!)
Also I’m
Concerned that Buddy The Elf
Made an appearance
While I mouth kissed Ron Burgundy
(Stay classy!)
They’re all back
In a line now
They say I have to choose
But all their body parts are mixed up I have
So much guilt
But at the same time
I’m finding these frankensteined
Celebrities super sexy
Oh! Look!
There’s my boyfriend
He’s nodding in approval
From the afterlife or something
It’s Or-gy time!
This is the best dream I’ve ever had!
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8. |
Confession
04:04
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Verse 1
How do I know when the time is right
To tell you
Something dark inside of me needs the light
It’s gonna break through
Gonna make my confession tonight
No more secrets no more lies
This is the moment but I’m scared
Bridge
It wasn’t your mom that farted in the car
I know what I said, but I lied to your face
While I silently ripped through the hot leather seats
Said I was too cold to roll the windows down
Ohhh!
Chorus
And I understand if you hate me now
There’s no going back, oh, ohhhh
It was a meaty assault to your nose
Burned your eyes
The tears came streaming down
Verse 2
How do I know when the time is right
To tell you
Hiding in my shell, frozen in the headlights
I will see this through
Gonna make my confession tonight
No more secrets no more lies!
This is the moment but I’m scared
Bridge
It wasn’t your niece that killed your turtle
I know what I said but I lied to your face
I may have run over it when I took it for a walk
I got distracted and mowed the lawn
Ohhh!
Chorus
And I understand if you hate me now
There’s no going back oh, ohhh
And untimely and gruesome demise
For your pet
The tears came streaming down
Bridge 2
Gonna make my confession tonight
Gonna make my confession tonight
No more secrets no more lies
No more secrets no more lies
Verse 3
I spilled beer all over your xbox twice
I wore your hat but didn’t know I had lice
I sneezed on your pizza, the one you thought tasted neat
Used your cheese grater to scrape calluses off my feet
Ohhh!
Chorus
And I understand if you hate me now
There’s no going back oh, ohhh
Caught up in my web of lies and regret
I forgot to say that I plugged the toilet
And I understand if you hate me now
There’s no going back oh, ohhh
Wish that I could change everything but I can’t
So…
Oh!
Oh ooohhh
Oh oooh
Oh ooh
Oh ooh!
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9. |
Pizza Party
03:55
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VERSE 1
Tonight is the night
Everything comes alive
Gonna party so right
When my best friends arrive
Tonight
Party at my place
(This party’s gonna be the best
Putting all my friendships to the test)
Come hungry,
I’m giving you a taste
(My hopes are very high
I expect these friendships will never die)
Best pizza
In the city
(Only the best for my friends
Who are my very best of friends)
You can’t bail
You all said you were free
(Wait, are you fucking kidding me?)
BRIDGE
And I know
I shouldn’t eat it all
Alone
(So much pizza)
But ohhh
Tonight I’m riding
Solo!
CHORUS
I am eating
All the pizza!
Gimmie hot cheese in my mouth
I want it
I am eating
All the pizza!
Yeah, gimmie hot cheese in my mouth
I want it
VERSE 2
Large pizza for one
Thought this night would be fun
But my friends are a bunch of dicks
Who instigated pizza conflict
I even got fancy napkins
To catch the pizza crumbs in
And just when I think I’m done
I eat another slice
Bite down
You know I like it real thick
(Talkin’ ‘bout the crust
And definitely not our tenuous friendships)
Can’t get enough
It’s mathematic
(I calculated carefully exactly enough)
Pizza
Would never not attend!
(I sent a calendar invite
If you weren’t going to come, you should have declined)
Pizza is my
only friend!
(I hear how sad that sounds, ugh)
BRIDGE
And I know
I shouldn’t eat it all
Alone
(So much pizza)
But ohhh
Tonight I’m riding
Solo!
CHORUS
I am eating
All the pizza!
Gimmie hot cheese in my mouth
I want it
I am eating
All the pizza!
Yeah, gimmie hot cheese in my mouth
I want it
VERSE 3
Now I’m ordering more
Delivery to my door
Calories are a scam
I topped this one with ham
It was actually for my friends
‘Cause I’m a vegetarian
But now I guess I eat meat
‘Cause I’m eating all this pizza
I’m burnin’ up
The roof of my mouth
(Should have waited longer
For this hot hot pie to cool on down)
I am the pizza king
Of my town
(I’d invite you to compete
But our friendship is now obsolete)
I won’t regret this
Tomorrow
(My stomach has trained
And my love for pizza has never waned)
But you will, and probably
Be sorrow
(I mean sorry. You’ll be sorry. I have to fart.)
BRIDGE
And I know
I shouldn’t eat it all
Alone
(So much pizza)
But ohhh
Tonight I’m riding
Solo!
CHORUS
I am eating
All the pizza!
Gimmie hot cheese in my mouth
I want it
I am eating
All the pizza!
Yeah, gimmie hot cheese in my mouth
I want it
I am eating
All the pizza!
Because you were too good
For my pizza party
I am eating
All the pizza!
Yeah, gimmie hot cheese in my mouth
I want it
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10. |
Anything Is Possible
03:01
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VERSE 1
She sat alone
Staring at four walls
Playing on her phone
Ignoring the dust balls
Eventually
She got up to use the bathroom
And finally
She remembered to get out the broom
CHORUS
Ohohoh!
It’s not like she used it
But at least she got out the broom
Ohohohoh!
It just goes to show
That anything is possible
We are
We are
Attempting to be responsible
We are
We are
Making mental notes of stuff we need to do
VERSE 2
Finished the jam
The jar sits empty
The garbage can
So close and friendly but,
That’s not the place
For recyclable containers
Don’t want to waste,
She just put the jar back in the fridge
CHORUS
Ohohohoh
Not exactly the goal
But at least it’s not in the garbage
Ohohohoh
It just goes to show
That anything is possible
We are
We are
Attempting to be responsible
We are
We are
Doing the bare minimum to get by
VERSE 3
She bought a plant
Had the best of intentions
She killed the plant
Waterlogged intervention
It made her sad
But then she realized that
Plants can drown
But at least she gave it a try
CHORUS
Ohohohoh
I mean it’s pretty straightforward
But I guess plants are hard for some people
Ohohohoh
It just goes to show
That anything is possible!
BRIDGE
Put away the dishes after they’re clean
Limit your intake of caffeine
Open the mail when it arrives
Do what it takes to barely survive
Acknowledge your part in capitalism
Force yourself til the work is done
Everybody lives and everybody dies
Try your best to avoid pink-eye
CHORUS
Ohohohoh
Not all lessons are meant to be
Learned by everyone
Ohohohohoh
And it just goes to show
That anything is possible!
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Emily Milling Toronto, Ontario
Emily Milling is a composer and producer from Toronto. She has composed two film scores and loves writing folk tunes about monsters. Impossible Horror is her second soundtrack.
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